Throwback Thursday

So I’m hopping on board with the new craze of #TBT or throwback Thursdays.  For most people it is as simple as posting an old picture of themselves or a family member.  It is a lot of fun to see all across social media how things change such as styles of clothing and hair, people aging and different seasons of the year from all over the world.  Some pictures make me smile, some make me laugh and some make me just shake my head.

Today I want to share some things of my past that I don’t want to repeat or relive.  I’m “throwing back” so that I can “throw aside”.  Hebrews 12:1-3 (our next passage) “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

  • Sneaking food I used to go to the grocery store and then go by a Drive-Thru and eat a meal before I came home and ate a meal with my family.  I did it to try new menu items or as a treat to myself.  I made any excuse.  Maybe it was a Starbucks every trip to the store (even though I wasn’t thirsty) and I would always throw the bag/cup away so no one knew.
  • Skipping meals I did this to try to “make up” for a binge, “cheat meal” or dessert.
  • Practically eating a meal while I was cooking.  A taste here, a sip there, a nibble or two adds up in calorie world.
  • If I had a bad day, skipped a workout, cheated on a meal etc.  I would completely give up and relapse into a world of guilt, shame and fat.
  • One year I made a New Year’s Resolution to not wear anything that had elastic or resembled sweat pants in any way.  So I’m saying that I’m so glad to have been set free from elasto land 😉
  • Feeling like I have to eat everything on my plate and eat it too quickly.
  • If Nathan and I went out to eat on a date I became possessive over the leftovers (if they even made it home).  If Nathan ate them the next day I was livid and became like a crazed woman.  Seriously, it’s just food.  I can’t believe I was so possessive, obsessive and out of control.  Truth be known quite often they didn’t make it home or even until the next day I would shovel them down before midnight.
  • That glass of wine at dinner that needed a buddy (or two) with dessert.
  • Listening to the “voices” that tell me to give up, give in, back down, and back off.
  • Backing down from dreams and thinking “it” was too crazy, too out there, or impossible.
  • Giving into fear, anger, shame and guilt.
  • Being satisfied with not being satisfied.

So I’m going to leave these things behind me.  I’m praying that I can continue my metamorphosis into a new creation and break free from my cocoon of fear, shame and guilt.

In the spirit of #TBT here is a photo of me from 2012.  This was my first race and was about 60 pounds ago.

My first 5K in 2012.
My first 5K in 2012.

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A woman on a journey. I'm blessed to be a wife to a gentle, hard-working man and mother to five unique, amazing and very busy children. Learning to live a full life, and dream again. Resting in reality and finding my beautiful.

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