Being a Bench Warmer

I’ve never been much of an athlete.  I think I played t-ball as a kid, maybe when I was 5 or 6.  I was a cheerleader in middle school for one year (but hated being the chubby girl on the bottom of the pyramid), and passed freshman P.E. but certainly didn’t excel.  I’m sure if I had ever tried out for a sport I would have been a bench warmer.  I’m good at being an encouragement, and having a supporting role, but I’m sure I wouldn’t have played.  So this post is going to be filled with sports lingo and analogies that are jumbled, mixed-up and probably used improperly, but you’ll get the point.

Well in my adult life I still struggle with that feeling.  Like the game of life is going on and I’m waiting for the chance to play.   This season of my life (parenting) is very difficult.  There is so much I want to do, be, accomplish that I feel just isn’t going to happen.  Lately I’ve been praying about why I struggle with anxiety, fear, depression and a general feeling of being disconnected.  Maybe I haven’t been able to play in the game because I’ve been too busy holding things from the past? Maybe I haven’t been “called into the game” because I still have had some lessons to learn on this bench?  Sometimes I feel like I can’t participate because I have the wrong equipment or came dressed to play soccer when it’s a hockey game.  I keep trying to fit myself into molds that weren’t meant for me.  Perhaps I’ve tried to be a pitcher when I should have been a catcher.  I’ve depended too much upon my knowledge and haven’t been a very good team player.  I need more practice.  I must listen more to my coach and take help from my teammates.  My God is gracious and I know now that he has more in store for me. He wants me to play this game and to enjoy it. He has given me wonderful team mates and a great court to play on. I need to lay some stuff down so that I can pick up the ball and take my shot!

Here’s a song by Jaci V. called “Lay it Down”. It has ministered to me..Hope you enjoy it and here’s to playing the game with gusto.


“Lay it Down”
I’ve been looking ‘til my eyes are tired of looking
Listening ‘til my ears are numb from listening
Praying ‘til my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floorI know that You know that my heart is aching
I’m running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don’t think that I can carry
The burden of it anymore$All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded handsChorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it downI’ve been walking through this world like I’m barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been digging
But You’re pulling me out and I’m finally breathing
In the open airThis room may be dark but I’m finally seeing
There’s a new ray of hope and now I’m believing
That the past is the past and the future’s beginning to look brighter now

‘Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down

~Janelle

 

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brought2ubythenumber40

A woman on a journey. I'm blessed to be a wife to a gentle, hard-working man and mother to five unique, amazing and very busy children. Learning to live a full life, and dream again. Resting in reality and finding my beautiful.

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