Portion Control

Part of my weight loss journey has been learning how much to consume throughout seasons of my life.  Your caloric needs change as your weight changes.  I’ve also learned about eating clean and how to portion my foods/meals throughout the day.  I’m about to open up a big “can” because there are so many options.  I can only share what worked/has worked/is working for me.  Feel free to share your opinions, thoughts and recommendations here as a comment or on my FB page.

When I started with a trainer back in 2010 she helped me to figure out my basal metabolic rate by using a formula.  I tracked my foods and allowed her accountability by checking my food diary.  I found out that it wasn’t as simple as “overeating”.  Yes I had been eating too many calories at times in my life.  Also I had been eating too few calories.  You can send your body into starvation mode. By eating too few calories consistently, skipping meals and then binge eating at others I had done a number on my metabolism.  So at first it felt like I was eating a LOT of food (and I was) being at least 140 pounds overweight and being morbidly obese meant that my body needed a lot of calories just to function. Current BMI charts say that a woman my size should be 109-137 pounds.  This is NOT going to be possible for me without skin removal surgery.  There simply isn’t a way after carrying five children and being morbidly obese for 25 years that my body will ever get to that size.

Even though I’ve been on this journey for almost 5 years I still feel quite confused.  I keep getting numbers thrown at me that range from 1200-1860 for the calories I should eat daily and still be able to lose weight.  Right now I’m not tracking what I’m eating in terms of caloric intake.  I’m simply eating healthy, clean and when I’m hungry.  I stop when I’m full and I follow the principles laid out in the Whole Life Challenge.  I lost 20 from January to March, but I’m back at the plateau point that I’ve been at since 2013.  It feels hopeless to ever break through the 170s.  (I’ve actually put some weight back on since the end of the WLC -March 13th.  I’m not proud of it and I’m hoping to lose it as I start a new challenge in May.)

Something though that is even more troubling to me is that I’ve lost site of what my needs are to feed my spirit.  It’s time to practice some spiritual portion control.  Psalm 73:26 says “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” There is also Lamentations 3:21-26 ” But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:  The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.”  

I’ve gotten distracted by the busyness of life, both the immediate and pressing trauma our family has experienced and the pressing chronic grief I’ve been processing for years, as well as my own fears, agendas and need to be needed.  My relationship with God has been something to do, a part of who I am and not the source of my strength, my identity and my hope.  There is a verse in the song Amazing Grace that usually gets skipped.  It says “The Lord has promised good to me.  His word my hope secures.  He will my shield and portion be as long as life endures.”  That’s what I pray my heart can sing with confidence.  He WILL my shield and portion be….that I can find rest, true peace in trusting that God is my shield and portion.  He IS enough.  He is MORE than enough.  It isn’t Jesus + my goodness, or Jesus + my ambition.  It’s JESUS!  He is the answer to every question. Seeking His face should be my only goal, my only priority and Heaven should be my destination.  Everything else is an added gift.

Oh God I submit my physical and spiritual appetites to you.  Please work within me to know when I need more nourishment and when I’ve had enough to be grateful for the sustenance provided.  Psalm 24:8 says “Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!”  Lord I want to taste you in times of trouble instead of another cupcake, spoonful of peanut butter or pint of Talenti.  Lord, I want to know deep, deep, deep down that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I desire Holy Spirit to trust you in a way that I NEVER have before and to submit to you the areas of my life that I’ve been stuck on the sit and spin and trying to get off in my power.  I’m praying for answers to know how much to eat, what kinds of food to eat and when to eat.  I’m also praying for strength and power to seek God’s face, a desire to know Him intimately and the balance to live a full life without functioning out of fear in the spiritual or physical.

Thanks as always for reading.  Feel free to share a comment, tip, scripture or story.  Blessings…~Janelle

 

One Size Fits “All”

 

So the old saying on the tag….one size fits all.  They changed that a few years ago to read…one size fits MOST.  They did that because of the growing (no pun intended) obesity epidemic in America.  Sometimes I think it’s that “one size” mentality that got me into the situation I’m in currently.  I thought that “one size fits all” meant that I deserved the same life as someone else, anyone else, everyone else.  It meant that I could eat what they did, exercise the same amount (or not) as they did, spend as much as they did, etc.  What a damaging mindset that has been for me to have.  I have also felt that it meant that as long as I looked like someone else, had their approval or resembled them that I could “fit in”.

In the past I have cared more for people’s approval than the love and genuine acceptance of my Heavenly Father, God.  I have tried to fit myself into too many other people’s “molds”, much less their lives, their jeans…hehehehe and their situations.  It has played havoc on my ego, my esteem and has destroyed my clear view of my Savior.  I’ve let numbers get in the way.  Numbers related to weight.  Numbers related to G.P.A’s.  Numbers related to bank accounts.  Numbers related to how many children, square footage on a home, the year a car was made, how many times I’ve been on a cruise (which is 0 by the way).  You name it and I’ve tried to fit my life into someone else’s number.

Well I’m being reminded daily because of this journey that literally one size doesn’t fit all.  For instance jeans with a certain number WON’T fit you like another pair from a different company with the same number. Heck, it won’t fit on a different cut of pants from the same company.  If it’s that simple, practical, tangible in a clothing size why can’t I get it through my head that my life isn’t meant to be like anyone else’s?  Why do I still try to be the same number as some one else?  I’m struggling with this in terms of running.  I can’t seem to get any faster.  However, my 12 minute mile is still as FAR as my friends 9 minute mile.  I am simply focusing on the wrong number.

I’m so grateful that I’m learning that I don’t have to be like anyone else.  I don’t have to look like anyone else.  I don’t have to fit into their lives, their dreams, their goals.  I was reminded by a good friend recently that true friends don’t look at the numbers anyway, or the letters on the top of your paper in school, or the degree hanging on your wall or the amount of digits on your paycheck.

My identity isn’t the number on a scale or a tag.  My identity is…..I am the beloved of Christ, HIS glorious inheritance.  I’m sealed with the Holy Spirit.  Here are some reminders that I use when I’m having a day where I struggle with my identity.  May you find it helpful also.  http://crossinglouisville.com/sermon/our-identity-in-christ/

Have a GREAT Friday friends and thanks for reading….

~Janelle

Crunchy Knees and Divided Hearts

Snap, crackle pop.  Remember that old Rice Krispies commercial?  Well lately that’s been the sound that resonates from me.  My right knee has become increasingly more and more “crunchy”.  There hasn’t been much pain until recently.  I was given some exercises to isolate my knee and to strengthen hips etc.  So I’m praying that the pain/crunch will get better.  Also, I’m going to buy a support and keep on keeping on with my training program.  Learning to listen to my body and know when to rest is hard for me, but it’s a skill I’m developing.  Ice, rest, modifying exercises…this is all a part of my life currently and I’m having to deal with it.

Even more troubling though is my newest condition.  Accompanying my “crunchy” knee is a divided heart.  I must admit that I have been struggling with fear, worry and the “what ifs”.  What if I can’t run anymore?  What if I put weight back on and I come to a stand still in my progress?  No more lunges?  No more squats?  What will I do for cardio?  I’ve come too far to go back.  Morbid obesity is just NOT an option for me.  My life is different.  I’ve changed.  I’m grateful!  Because of this fear and anxiety I’ve back off not only on training, but I haven’t been as diligent/careful in my eating.  Apathy and laziness are lurking and it’s frightening!!!

It’s more than that.  Even in the midst of one of the most encouraging times of my life, I’m struggling with doubt.  This is in life, not just in my weight loss journey.  The ugly monsters of fear, doubt, apathy, confusion, instability, laziness are lurking on the horizon.  It’s as if they are waiting in hopes to destroy, steal, ruin.

I’m feeling double minded and a bit divided these days.  God’s Word talks about this.  James 1:5-8 says “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” (ESV) I don’t want to be unstable in my life.  I want wisdom.  I NEED wisdom to know how to eat, how to work out, how to live my life, how to parent, how to school, etc. James 4:7-9 (NLT) says “7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. 9 Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.”.  Am I truly sorrowful and repentant in regards to my food addiction, compulsive eating, lack of discipline?  I don’t want my loyalties to be divided between God and the world.  I want God to have my WHOLE heart, mind and soul.  Romans 12:1-2 says that the transformation starts by presenting my body and then allowing God to renew/transform my mind.  These are the ways I WANT to live, the ways I STRIVE to live, the ways I’m LEARNING to live. 

I’m also struggling with comparison.  The green-eyed monster of envy holds me captive sometime and all I can see are beautiful, thin, talented, creative, debt free, “together” people.  My life seems boring, normal, out of control, hopeless and pointless when it’s up against the lives of those kinds of people.  This is such a pointless, self-defeating, displeasing to God kind of attitude, mindset.  It’s stinkin’ thinkin’ and I fall prey to it FAR TOO OFTEN.  The glass half empty mindset has been my m.o. for years and I’m ready for a paradigm shift. 

Gotta kick start my heart.  Gonna rest my knee.  Gotta cleanse my body and mind.  Gonna take control again of my eating.  Gotta lift heavier weights.  Gotta run a little longer.  Gonna get more rest.  Gotta drink more water.  Gonna pray for wisdom.  Gotta keep presenting myself to God and live my life with short accounts, clean hands and a pure heart.  Gonna keep on fighting the good fight!!!